


Waiting

by ToastedRiceTea



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Related, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6497746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastedRiceTea/pseuds/ToastedRiceTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months have passed since the Fourth Great Ninja War, and the people of the Leaf Village are doing their best to rebuild. However, their new Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, is distant and distracted - often visiting the comatose Might Gai in the hospital. - [Written from the POV of Kakashi Hatake]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Staring

It’s hard to cope with the death of a loved one.

But at least in death, there is finality. Though I was never of the opinion that death was the best option, I think I may have changed my mind. 

Looking at him now, I cannot recognize any feature. He’s a shell of the man I knew. It’s somehow worse to see him here, weak, atrophied, barely clinging to this world. His skin is paler from the lack of light, and even his hair has grown into a shaggy mess. He looks like me. It’s uncomfortable.

I hate myself for saying this, but I sometimes wish Gai _had_ died that day. Those who died in the Fourth Great Ninja War went out in a blaze of glory. They leapt to action, and died for a cause. Their final moments were spent protecting those they loved. They died heroes. 

He could have died a hero. Instead he lays here in his bed, wasting away. He will die silently. The famed “Blue Beast of the Leaf” will leave this world with a whimper instead of a shout. It’s not like him.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, after all, this is Gai. I’ll fall to pieces without him. I’m certain I already have. I can tell the people of the Leaf are getting frustrated with me, they want strong leadership right now as we rebuild, but I’m incapable of providing that. I’ve got piles of work to do but here I am, in the hospital again. Staring.

If Gai had died, he wouldn’t be suffering right now. Sure, I would still be in pain - but that’s nothing I’m not used to. I’d find a way around it. At least I would have closure, and the comfort of knowing that he was off in a better place. 

Sure, there’s a chance he’ll wake up now, but...I’m not sure if he’ll be the same if he does. Lady Tsunade was pretty blunt when she made the prognosis. She said it’s likely Gai won’t leave his bed again, he’ll be sickly and he might not be able to move at all. There’s even concern that he may have suffered brain damage, due to his body’s extreme overheating, and that he won’t be able to talk. It’s a horrible thought. Death would be better than a silent existence like that, trapped in a living coffin.

But, I know Gai is the type to fight until the very end. If he woke up, there’s no doubt that he’d find a way to reclaim that youth of his. And because of this, because I know he might be happy - in some regard, I can’t wish him dead. I don’t really want to anyway. I’m so confused. I don’t know what I want and I don’t think I ever well. Dead or alive it’s going to be hard on us. In the past, whenever I dealt with conflicts like this, I’d always turn to Gai for advice. Now that I’m on my own I can’t make up my mind. I can’t get my feelings straight.

This is all too much. 

I don’t want to look at him anymore. 

“Lord Hokage-”

My hair stands on end, my shoulders hunch. Shikamaru. 

I have nothing against the boy, but lately, any time I hear his voice - I know I’m about to be dragged away. Back to the desk and papers and angry elders. I should be thankful to have something to do, I guess. Staring at Gai is painful, but it’s worse to be away. 

“Look, we need you back at the office.”

I can tell he’s exhausted, too. Shikamaru always is, but there’s weight in his voice that is typically absent. When I turn to look at him, I see he’s not looking at me. He’s focused on Gai. His dark eyes remain trained on the man several moments before he finally looks at me. I must look a mess because there’s pity in his expression. 

“I know it’s a drag, but the council needs to speak with you.”

His tone softer this time. I guess he’s trying to be sensitive.

“Right.” I haven’t spoken in a while, my voice is hoarse. “If you could give me a minute?”

Shikamaru nods, and I’m glad he’s not the type to ask questions. He simply turns and closes the door, waiting for me in the hallway. It takes a moment to make my body move, and I force myself out of the chair. My legs feel weak, and I can’t remember how long I was sitting there. Sighing, I force myself to look at Gai once more. My legs are stiff, but I move toward him - I’m compelled to touch him so I do - my hand resting lightly on his arm. There used to be a muscle there...

I’m worried to leave him. I’m worried that when I’m gone, he’ll slip away. I have so much to tell him, still. And if he dies, I want to be here to see him off, at least.

My hand tightens just slightly on his arm, my shoulders shake and my eyes sting.

“Keep breathing, Gai.”


	2. Freezing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi spends some time in his office, contemplating work and the state of the Leaf. A visitor bursts in and gives him some surprising news.

I hate this office. I really do.

Everything is too big. The desk, the windows, the room itself. I guess it would be a bit better if it weren’t so empty...Tsunade always had Shizune by her side. I’d like it if I could have an adviser like that. That would fill the space at least. It wouldn’t feel so barren and cold. 

Yeah, cold. That’s another thing I hate. It’s constantly freezing in here. You’d think the Hokage could get a fireplace installed or something. Granted, I can’t be asking for luxuries like that when we have a city to rebuild. I’m already on a short leash with the remaining Elders as it stands. 

I tug my cloak close to my body, it doesn’t help much, but I guess I’m not feeling as chilled as before. Maybe now I can focus on some work. There’s a lot of reading to do, that’s fine. I’m good at reading. I can get that done. What else? 

Signatures and approvals needed. Several requests for shinobi for various missions. I’m not sure how many I can spare. That’s stressful. I should probably work on those first. Seems everyone needs our help these days, that’s not surprising. Still, I don’t know what they expect. 

Months have passed since the war’s end, but we’re still struggling to rebuild. I guess I could accept the missions that pay the most, we could use the money…but then again, I am reluctant to send our best shinobi out of the village. At least right now, when we’re still so weak. So many were lost in the fight, and so many are still recovering...

Which reminds me, I haven’t been to visit Gai in a while. 

I...don’t really want to see him. 

I have been getting updates from Lee, and that’s about all I can handle right now. It’s too hard to keep going back. Because nothing ever changes. I almost want something to happen whether it’s him waking up or…

Anything would be better than waiting like this.

“KAKASHI SENSEI!”

That voice. I look up from the papers scattered across my desk to see Naruto Uzumaki burst into my office. He’s out of breath. What could he be so excited about? 

“KAKASHI SENSEI! Come on! Let’s go!”

He just starts waving wildly at me, beckoning me, like I should jump to my feet and follow him. But, I stay put. After all, I do have work to do. 

“Kakashi _Sensei!_ ” He whines again, exasperated, and my patience is wearing thin. As much as I like Naruto, there’s only so much yelling I can take. “You-”

“ _What_ Naruto?” I hope my annoyance is clear. “Can’t you see I’m busy? What business do you have? Has something happened?”

He stops his pointless gesturing, eyes widening as he seems to realize something. All I can do is wait until he decides to talk again. He’s taking too long. 

“ _Well?_ ” 

“You...haven’t heard then, have you?” He’s calmer now, and his smile has faded somewhat. “I thought someone would’ve told you! I mean, you’re Bushier Brow Sensei’s friend so I thought _someone_ might’ve told ya!” 

It takes me a moment to register that he’s talking about Gai. 

I’m terrified. 

Which is odd...because judging by Naruto’s excitement, I can only assume Gai’s condition has improved. But I can’t move, I can’t respond, I can’t even look Naruto in the eyes. I drop my head and stare at the desk. My mouth feels dry and my body like lead. 

“Kakashi Sensei?” 

Obviously he’d notice. I wish he wouldn’t comment but Naruto isn’t the type to leave well enough alone. 

“Aren’t you excited? Bushier Brow Sensei’s waking up. Don’t you wanna-”

“I told you. I’m busy.”

He’s silent, but I can feel him staring at me.

“But-”

“Look, Naruto, I can’t just drop everything I’m doing. Of course I’m glad to hear he’s awake but being the Hokage doesn’t mean I can just do whatever I want. I have business to take care of before I can think about taking time for myself. And if Gai really is awake, then I imagine he’ll still be awake when I can take time to visit him. Now, if you could go? As I’ve said, I have work to do. Oh, and, you really shouldn’t be calling me “Kakashi Sensei” in here. This is the Hokage’s office, remember?”

He’s gone quiet again, but the heat of his gaze is more intense. I hunch my shoulders. I just want him to leave.

“Fine.” 

He’s being gruff with me now, that familiar pouty tone. I’ve upset him. That makes sense...I think I went a bit too far. 

“But you said it yourself _Lord Hokage_ , those that don’t care about their friends are worse than trash.”

...Ouch. 

I can’t say anything to defend myself. He’s already gone. 

Naruto’s right though. 

I am worse than trash. Gai is my closest companion. I should’ve leapt up the moment Naruto said Gai was awake. I should be there, I should be there to greet Gai when he opens his eyes and welcome him back to the world. 

I slump forward, catching my hands on the desk, scattering pages as I do. I feel sick. My body is shaking. Why? I’ve been waiting for this day - I’ve been waiting for a change, anything...and this, this is really the best case scenario. My throat tightens and I feel the sting of oncoming tears. 

I’ve missed him so much. All I want to do is go see him. 

What am I so scared of?

I am so weak. My arms give out and I slip, my forehead knocks against the wood of the desk but I don’t make an effort to right myself. I just lay there, a sobbing mess. 

I guess there’s one thing I like about this office...the walls are thick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[Forgive me if the action is slow moving. It's going to be a lot of Kakashi's thoughts! :) Hope you enjoyed this. I'll have the next chapter up soonish, I hope! :) ]]


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